Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?-Katy Perry
Another day, another class, and another alarm turned off. No motivation but to only turn the pillow over to its colder side and lay there, asleep, unanswered questions gliding in and out of my mind.
Lately, this is how I start my high school mornings. I had never been motivated by the promise of school but it had always been drilled into my brain that:
good grades+good college+good career+good husband=happiness.
I think this kind of mentality just rooted itself into me, especially after my older brother got accepted to Duke University. I guess its been my belief and perhaps my parents that I would end up just as successful, that I would head off to some Ivy League school, become a doctor or lawyer, and somehow change the world.
But I hate how my future seems to be so ambiguous. My high school experience has just been a never ending circle. It’s a cycle of procrastinating, being lazy, and the utter lack of fulfillment. It’s during these years, however, that I realized that my entire life has been on autopilot. I definitely wanted to do more with my life.
Perhaps I wanted a passion, a dream that would provide some actual motivation for me to get out of bed. I mean, we all have that dream. It might just be a vague idea, but most of us are too busy stuck in the muck of insecurities and self doubt that we just dismiss it completely, deeming it impossible to achieve or too difficult to pursue.
Because the fact is, people become so comfortable with the life that has been planned out for us by our teachers, parents, traditions, and society that we feel stupid and unsafe to risk losing it for the small hope of achieving something more fulfilling.
Don’t get me wrong here. A risk is still a risk. We can and we will fail possibly many, many, many, many times. But that is what makes it exciting. I don’t know about you, but that uncertainty excites me.
So the next time you feel lost, take a deep breath and realize that being lost can be the turning point of finding out who you truly are and who you want to become.